Heather Future

a self-indulgent little collection

2009-12-14T23:57:00.000-08:00

I have started a new collection.

It's basically little hilarious tidbits I find written about me on Twitter. Don't these people know I'm not interesting enough to gossip about? Honestly now. But I'll share a couple with you to bring the goss full circle.

Creepy! How the hell does this gentleman know that? I don't recall revealing such information on the wide webs. But I'll take the fairy magic sincerity compliment.

This is, by far, the best one:

I look like a bitch! Strangers called me a bitch on the internet while I was drawing just mere feet away. Curious little world we live in indeed.

Owls and Cowls

2009-11-29T17:43:00.000-08:00

I have had so gosh darned much work to do this weekend. It should have been a dreary and miserable weekend of isolation behind a bleak drawing board making humiliatingly dull drawings.

However, I ended up taking a break every hour or two to post about owls and cowls on the Etsy forums. I don't believe I've ever enjoyed the forums so much. O goodness, the laughter.

I shirked my work for many many hours at one point to paint an owl in a cowl, mostly for my own amusement. I've started to actually really like it, irony aside. It's cute and stuff. There's also a little tale to go with it:

The Curious Tale of the Owl in the Cowl

In the north, there lives a rare breed of owl. Their home is quite cold, so their moods are quite foul. They always scowl. They don't hoot, they growl. They're always on the prowl for something to take away their scowl.

One scowling growling foul owl went to town to steal a towel. She wrapped herself in the towel, and though she was warm, she still felt foul. The towel was ugly, so the growling foul fowl, howled and scowled and threw in the towel.

Another scowling growling owl, went on Etsy and bought a cowl. A pretty, knitted, handmade cowl. And wouldn't you know it - she didn't scowl! She looked so cute, she didn't growl. She started to hoot, no need to howl. This owl bought a hundred cowls, and gave one to all the owls. And ever since, these northern owls, haven not been seen with a scowl.

Better!

2009-11-22T17:16:00.000-08:00

Here's a much better (though not perfect) attempt at making a time lapse of a painting.

If nothing else, this proves how terribly inconsistent the light is in my apartment. Yikes.

Brigadeer Animation

2009-11-17T14:35:00.001-08:00

Yesterday I found this awesome-but-unfinished stop motion video I made a few months ago. Neat!

I completely forgot making it. Now I can't wait to make another one, hopefully a hopefully an entire painting, start to finish. I should maybe do something simple so I can do it in one sitting. And since I'm a shameless self promoter, I'll mention that you can have your very own Brigadeer print for one easy payment of $18.00, plus shipping. Swell!

O Brigadeer General, how proud you are! My dad was meeting with a real Brigadier General last weekend, and I tried to talk him into giving him a Brigadeer print. I have a sneaking suspicion that he didn't. Alas.

A few weeks later...

2009-11-15T18:52:00.000-08:00

There's one surprising thing I've discovered from having been on Regretsy.

See, I love Regretsy. It's fun. It's a wonderfully amusing way to spend a few spare minutes. It's full of incomprehensible aesthetics that are fun to share with friends.

And I, when submitting myself, figured that everyone enjoys it for the same reasons that I do.

But that's just sadly not the case. Some poor souls have no interest in giggles. There are people out there, sitting in front of their computer with the shield of anonymity, and they want other people to feel bad. I submitted myself because I wanted to give people a laugh, and I don't take things that seriously. So it's very curious to find that some people take Regretsy quite seriously indeed.

There are LOTS of them, and they seem to use Regretsy as a place to find people to try to bully instead of a place to have some lighthearted laughs. How weird is that?

I think the author of Regretsy goes over the top with her bitchings in a very classy way. There's an underlying intelligence and cleverness to it that I respect. She could tear my shit apart all day along and I'd laugh right with it. Granny squares with Mittens! That's good stuff.

But I have been receiving convos devoid of any wit or intelligence. I can completely understand why so many of the crafters that Regretsy has featured have chosen to remover their creations and hide from the low blows. They didn't ask for it. They weren't prepared or in control. I really feel for them.
I guess what I'm trying to say here is this: if you feel the need to anonymously be an asshole to strangers, then there is probably something in your own life that's lacking. It's probably easily fixable, too, though I'm certainly not here to try to solve your problems for you. A little self awareness might be good, though.

I suppose I am just a little surprised because I expected to just amuse people. Cause some laughter and WTFs and, of course, some criticism of a rather harsh nature. But by not getting huffy or glum from the numerous attacks, I've also gotten a bunch of strangers all riled up with hatred for me. Weird!

One convo in particular mentioned that she'd read my entire blog and concluded that I'm "stupid." So to the lovely lady who felt the need to share her analysis of my intelligence with me, my only retort is that you didn't have all the information when you made your assessment. You can't even begin to understand the vast depths of my stupidity until you read all of my OLD blog, too:

http://opopopo.diaryland.com/

(By the way, pictures in this post are some of my own favourite frightful finds from Etsy).

Pamela in the Woods

2009-11-09T20:54:00.000-08:00

There is nothing better than getting a picture of a painting happily living in its new home.

There are pretty prints of this painting available, fyi!

Narwhal to Unicorn - Happiest evolution ever

2009-11-05T14:10:00.000-08:00

I have been outrageously busy lately, but I did manage to find time to finish a very informative (read: completely silly) illustration - the evolutionary steps between a narwhal and a unicorn.

I'll list both the original and an 8x10 print on Etsy this weekend. Fun!

Did you know the horn on a male narwhal is just their left incisor tooth that grows to be 2-3 meters long? Awesome! Sometimes their right incisor will grow out, too, and then they'll have two horns.

Ink Spoon

2009-10-24T16:49:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I like to pretend that I'm a musician. It's a fun little game that involves making high-pitched yelps into Garage Band and hitting pots and pans together, hoping a song comes out.

Today I decided that the next step in my musical career is to have a music video. I do hope you'll enjoy!

My band is called Titmouse. I do everything in one take without figuring it out beforehand. This is why the lyrics are of poor quality. It's pretty fantastic.

Abstract Wine

2009-10-19T16:25:00.000-07:00

Finally, buying wine just for the attractive label has paid off!

I have had some truly horrible encounters with attractively-bottled wine. I am drawn to clever names and exciting illustrations. The worst wine I've ever tasted had a flippin' hologram on the label. But this magnificent wine by Christian Audigier (who is apperently a fashion designer, but I'm far too poor to get to care about clothes) is actually quite delicious. You can't miss it at the liquor store. Go buy! I'm currently tipsy off that lovely rose out front.

I've been working on some experiments in abstract art. It's rather foreign territory to me, only really being fond of about 0.00001% of the abstract art that's ever been made, but I figure it's worth a little enjoyable exploration.

I couldn't keep just a tiny touch of representation out of them. These distorted female torsos just sort of started happening. I guess they wanted to exist.

Honestly, I can't decide whether I think they're brilliant or a complete mess. This is the first time I've ever let the surface show through the paint. Also the first time that I've ventured down the trendy ol' path of drippiness. I think perhaps that one in the middle is working out decently.

Why I love Shel Silverstein

2009-10-18T22:15:00.000-07:00

First off, I just want to quicky say that I have never painted something because it's controversial. I have, however, created things despite knowing they could be. VERY different things.

Anyway, it seems that something I am going to have to deal with in my life is people finding it very odd, and perhaps even unthinkable, that I could love creating stories and pictures for children at the same time as exploring themes of a rather mature nature.

Luckily, I am not the first to tread this ground. You likely know of one of my personal heroes - Shel Silverstein. I adored his wonderful stories and darlingly simple illustrations when I was a wee tot. Then, last year, I was digging around a local record store and I stumbled upon his name. I pulled the record out, not really knowing much about his musical endeavors, and opened it. I was rather taken aback by what I saw - tits. I flipped it over and the very first song title I read on the tracklisting was "Polly in a Porny." Of course I had to buy it, and rush home to put it on. It's FANTASTIC. Funky and dirty and poetic. He was a brilliant man, and has become even more of a hero for me than when I read a Light in the Attic as a youngster. One day he'd be on the muppet show, the next he'd be singing this (excuse the somewhat unfortunate video, but it's a damn catchy song):

I'm just so glad someone has done it before me, especially someone so endlessly brilliant and well loved for both his sweet stories for children and his illustrations in playboy.

No Regrets(y)

2009-10-18T12:12:00.000-07:00

Oh goodness, what a curious few days!

After posting my art to Regretsy, I've had an absolute onslaught of abuse. It's truly interesting and entertaining. It may seem like it's a lot of petty mockery, but these people are intelligent, if somewhat scathing, and I'm going to, as planned, learn all I can from this strange experience.

After all, I'm 23. I'm not some stuck-up pretentious artist who thinks they know everything. I know pretty much nothing. I've got to put myself in strange situations to make growth possible. As much as I love making pretty illustrations for the sake of making prettiness, I can't ignore that part of me that needs a little something more. I like the Epictetus quote:

"If you want to improve, be content to be thought foolish and stupid."

And that's just what I've done, perhaps a little too successfully. Let us hope that I never become the sort of terrible, self-important, bullshit-spewing artist that the Regretsy commenters assume I am. I'll just keep making an ass of myself so that I'm constantly humbled and can never take myself that seriously.

I have started doing a bunch of hand and foot studies, since there were a few comments questioning my appendage-rendering aptitude. They're coming along decently, though certainly not without flaws.

I might make a post where I directly respond to some of the mud that has been slung at me. I'm not sure. Or I could just go back to talking about lovely things and desperately trying to get people to take part in Project Lemon.

Regretsy

2009-10-16T18:27:00.000-07:00

So I submitted myself to Regretsy this afternoon. And the blogger posted my art right away. Tee hee!

That's not the exciting news. The exciting news is that I opened a new shop for my non-illustrative art. Non-whimsy. Realism. Nudes. Silly naughtiness. It's in super early rough stages right now and only has a couple paintings in it so far. Take a peek HERE!

But I thought it would be funny to get some free promotion while finidng out how my art would be percieved in a "Hey, look at this crap" context. I really love the painting, and I don't think it's crap. It's extremely well received in shows. I have had strangers come up to me and say "um, you painted that bear painting, right? Wow. It's fucking fantastic."

I actually submitted the Vagina Mary, but I'm glad the blogger chose Mittens. It's really fascinating to read the comments. Some of them think they're being snarky, but they're actually hitting the nail right on the head. Yes, of course it's supposed to be unsettling. Yes, that is exactly what her other hand is doing. Yes, it's creepy and all kinds of wrong. Yeah, the bear has a mysterious vacant stare.

I'm enjoying this. The fact that it's already gotten so many comments makes me wonderfully happy. Some of them mention finding the painting strangely enthralling, or being unable to stop looking at it, or having some aspect of it bother them. Some even think it's awful in an awesome way. This experiment couldn't possibly be going better.

I like Regretsy. I think it's fun to point out the absurd, terrible, and ridiculous things Etsy has to offer. Everyone knows there are a lot of beautiful things on Etsy, and I disagree with anyone who thinks Regretsy is bringing Etsy down. It's just fun. If you love your work, then don't take it too seriously. If you've done something strange and people don't get it, that's awesome.

There are also some super funny comments on their Facebook Page. It is SO HARD to not jump in!

Prettiness!

2009-09-19T14:16:00.000-07:00

Hello friends! I have been working on so much prettiness lately. Check out these little studies for a children's book I'm working on:

I am endlessly excited about making this book happen. I hope it all comes together. I'm working my butt off on it, and it's melting my brain, but I love it. I will probably list most of those studies on Etsy.

Here are a couple more paintings, soon to be perfected and listed in my shop:

I love this picture, because you can see the real little yellow bird, my darling roommate Sunshine, who inspired the little yellow birds hanging out on the tree branches, and you can see the real suitcase that young woman is carrying. Such a marvelous example of how we're inspired by the beautiful things we surround ourselves with.

Ukulele Funtimes

2009-06-06T17:22:00.000-07:00

I've been having some fun recently making cutesy versions of rather un-cutesy songs with my pretty blue ukulele. Tee hee! Enjoy.

Lovin' Mittens

2009-05-21T12:23:00.000-07:00

O my beautiful blogfriends, I have missed posting tidbits of loveliness for you so! I have for you another large painting I've done recently that hasn't made it into the ol' Etsy Shoppe. It's much too big and perhaps a little naughty:

Oh me oh my!

Anyway, I am off to build pinhole cameras in peculiar shapes, and perhaps out of peculiar objects. I shall perhaps tell you of my adventures with such devices soon!

Oh, and remember Project Lemon? Well I've been thinking for a while of turning it into its own blog where creative good deeds from all over the world could be documented. I think that would be such fun! Who knows if it would actually catch on, but at least it would be a place for me to document my own adventures in whimsical merrymaking.

The Vagina Mary

2009-05-19T21:44:00.000-07:00

There's a little painting I've been working on recently that I thought I'd give you a little gander at. I suppose it could use a little more work, but I'm sure you'll get the picture.

Behold: The Vagina Mary.

Also known as the Holey Mother. Hymen intact.

The Virgin Mary has always looked like a vagina to me. Whenever someone sees her in a piece of toast, I'm pretty sure they're just seeing some ladybits. So how could I resist rendering her as such? And look at the joy she's bringing to her little cherub as she ascends into the heavens!

Springtime

2009-03-07T13:01:00.000-08:00

Out my window I see my parking lot, which more closely resembles a skating rink, and rooftops covered in snow beyond it. This dismal view sparks great anticipation - for springtime is a mere fortnight away!

I can't wait to wear pretty vintage dresses and carry summery handbags. When I can put away the pashminas for little silk scarves. When pretty shoes don't get full of snow and I can ignore the sock drawer completely.

I can't wait to fill my brain with bubbly summertime music.

I want to have picnics down by the river involving fancy cheeses and jazz cigarettes. Taking pictures and reading books and watching pretty things happen.

I want to get friends together to play sports. T-ball tournaments and soccer games with drinks on an outdoor patio afterward to celebrate our athletic ineptitude.

I want to visit one my dearest friends in Toronto and perhaps coerce her into exploring New York together.

I want to set up elaborate schemes of fans to attempt to cool my apartment down to a livable temperature and then ruin the delicate balance by filling my apartment with the heat-producing bodies of good friends.

I want to roast weenies and mallows.

I want to grow a few fresh vegetables on my little balcony in pretty pots.

O how I long for long days. Not having to think about mittens and layers of sweaters and such. Tans. Brews in backyards. BBQ. Road trips. Fishing. Sailing. Canoeing.

Bicycle rides. Riding Princess Buttercup to get fresh produce and red wine. Riding her to Nellie's Diner for an amazing breakfast. Riding her with friends. Riding for no reason.

I want a pair of roller skates. I want more hats. More dresses. More time spent frolicking in open fields.

I would also love to know what sort of exciting things you're looking forward to this summer.

Woke Up Alone

2009-03-02T17:30:00.001-08:00

Can we just pretend that so many months haven't passed since last I posted?

Please please please watch this wonderful movie made my the delightful Glenn from Spitting Image!

I suspect that Glenn was formerly a large graceful deer, roaming the rolling hills in search of a dapper velvet dinner jacket, who accidentally turned himself into a human one tragic day, but was so charming that his family forgot that he wasn't just one of them all along.

Put a Dodge in your garage

2008-11-12T00:26:00.000-08:00

I really don't have anything profound to say about the following, I just felt the need to share:

Objects

2008-11-02T22:46:00.000-08:00

Take a little gander at the following picture:

Now try to guess what it is!

Could it be some strange combination of memory stick and lipstick?

Heck no! It's perhaps the greatest invention of all time, found here.

Oh Lelo. It has taken some restraint to not have mentioned these little darlings on my blog before, as I want it to be family friendly (and because if I don't restrain myself, this blog will become pure smut) (though who doesn't like smut?) but really, pleasure objects are not at all gross or inappropriate. They are fun! And Lelo makes them ultra classy. I mean, look at this:
A gold plated vibrator! How absurdly and perfectly decadent.

I must also mention a couple exciting facts while on the topic of Lelo's fabulousness. Their pleasure objects don't require batteries, as they plug into your wall like a cell phone (or into your computer like an ipod, in the case of the top photo). They also all come with a 1 year warranty instead of the standard 30-day, are made of extremely high quality materials (like surgical-quality silicone), and come in a very classy black box. They have a few goodies for gentlemen as well! I go on like this because every other sex toy out there is marketed so deplorably and made without this amazing attention to detail. The sex toy industry is viewed as icky and gross and sleazy only because they've made it that way. Lelo is changing that by bringing the classiness back into masturbation. Classturbation!

Alright. Enough talk of vibrators.

Sorry.

2008-10-29T15:50:00.000-07:00

Hello my beloved internet loves! O how I have missed the giddy feeling of getting the most marvelous comments from the worlds most adorably brilliant people after posting a little something.

Glenn and the duck, the spool of thread, the five cents, and the vegan mosquitos (whom he failled to mention) were correct. I was kidnapped by avocado-flavoured ape men in large rubber pants. I'm sorry. It won't (but probably will) happen again.

And now, you're doubtlessly wondering, what has this silly little broad been painting lately?

And my answer would be: two self portraits!

They're nearly done. Let's have a gander at them in progress. I find unfinished paintings terribly embarassing, but I love looking at other people's works in progress so much that I suppose I ought to share my own. Enjoy! I nearly wrote ejoy. Have some e-joy!

Alright. So I look scary. That's step one in Self Portait making. Make yourself as creepy as possible.

Then you want to make your skin all blotchy and patchy and weird.

Then, when everyone suspects that the painting could not possibly ever pass for decent, pull awesomeness out of your ass:

The above is a bit of a bad photo, and it's still not completely done. But O does it excite me! Now let's look at birds! Once again, splotchy, disproportionate and scary first:

Then, suddenly, without any warning, awesomeness!

And finally, almost done, with just a bit of details in the birds and hairs to go:

Oh they're looking so lovely! I have never attemtped a realistic-ish self portrait before. Actually, I've never attempted a realistic portrait at all. Ever. Except for one of my dear friend Lana, but it's still highly stylized and from a very obscure and forgiving angle. Anyway, I must say, I'm really quite proud of how those are turning out.

Bananas

2008-10-27T19:59:00.000-07:00

I sat down groggily on the train to school this morning, yawned, and looked up. Just as my eyes started to focus, a rather elderly Asian with a beautiful smile on her wrinkled face took the last bite of her banana. She then, without hesitation, threw the banana peel across the train to a gentleman sitting many seats away on the opposite side of the aisle. He caught the peel gracefully, set it in the crease of his newspaper, and turned the page, hiding the banana peel within.

They never made eye contact. They never spoke. I wanted so badly to ride the train past my station just to see if they'd get off together. My sense of responsibility won over my sense of adventure. I mustn't continue to let this happen.

Oh, and hello! It's been a long time! Have I told you lately that I love you?

Flattery and Hattery

2008-09-04T20:53:00.000-07:00

Hello my long lost blog friends! If all goes well, I'll get a new computer next week and be happily back among you lovelies. This lack of technology has been kind of fun, though. And I'm really much more productive without computational devices. But O, how I long for daily connection to the world once more!

I have listed a few new paintings! There are children knitting scarves to mummify a bear,

A very naughty owl in disguise,

And, at last, a fellow with a marvelous sense of fashion and an endless love of avocados.

I must also declare my gratitude and flattery to two fantastically talented people who have kindly featured me on their blog. My insides have exploded with warm and happy feelings due to the sweet things these Discriminating Weirdos said about me. I must insist with bubbling enthusiasm that you visit their Etsy shop, MoeSewCo and feast your eyes on their marvelous creations, including stunning hats that are causing me to salivate.

Fare thee well, my friends! I promise my impending technological purchase shall have me reading and writing blogs as gleefully and frequently as I did before my computerless summer.

Lie Berry

2008-08-07T21:33:00.000-07:00

Hello my dear internet friends, whom I love so deeply and digitally.

I am writing to you from the nerd-lush land of the library instead of the coziness of my home. Up until two weeks ago, I was computing on an 8-year-old Mac laptop that I had received for free from a dear friend who no longer needed the services of such an outdated machine. I happily and patiently used the little darling until he finally tragically died leaving my home without any piece of non-culinary technology produced this millennium. This is to say, I no longer have a functioning computer.

This has, quite obviously, resulted in a tragic lack of blogging that I'm sure has you all reaching for your best embroidered handkerchiefs to absorb the little teardrops forming in the corners of your eyes. I'm sorry. It has also become terribly inconvenient to run my vintage Etsy shop, and I'm sure it would be inconvenient to run my art one, too, if anyone had any interest in purchasing my originals.

I am sorry! I should have a new computron as soon as enough pennies to pay for it accumulate in my bank account, and then once again recount to you my various exploits and to respond to every one of your beautiful comments.

PS: In my google-hunt for an olde library-related photo to stick in this entry, I stumbled upon this page about two women's wartime bicycle adventure through Europe, which is full of amazingly charming photos and a long story that I hope to read when my time with the internet isn't so limited.

Accordion Love

2008-07-21T20:30:00.000-07:00

O accordions! How I love thee! How my heart marvels at your ability to bring all those in my vicinity to their knees in auditory agony.

Honestly, though my playing belongs in Guantanamo Bay, the accordion is by far the sexiest instrument in the world. I shall someday be able to wield mine in such a fashion as to cause others to bop up and down with joy.

I have a new job. It's only slightly less humiliating than my last. It also involves serving alcohol, only instead of beer in the stands at a rodeo, it's all sorts of beverages in a short plaid skirt in a bar. Weep for me.

It's not really that bad.

A painful lack of painting has been taking place. I guess I've been too busy making actual money. Actual money isn't as fun as the marvelous images in my head, though. Le sigh.

I did make a salad, though. It was delicious. Crasins, avocado, red pepper, spring greens, and that delightful Brianna's poppy seed dressing. Mmm! If only I'd had some feta. It would have been a masterpiece.

Also, note the fabulous vintage purse in the background. I will share my collection with you someday if you like. It's startlingly similar to a friend's grandmother's collection.

I have also been hiking and gossipping and drinking and frolicking and napping and writing a novel and flirting and singing and admiring bumblebees.

I am still searching for a banjo. And a melodica.